A Maine Murder Mystery

Hi girls,

I'm writing from Maine to tell you the craziest, and I mean craziest story!  I arrived at my sweet little rented house on Saturday evening and regretted the trip almost immediately.  The house and surrounding area are wonderful but 1.  I'm way too social to sit in a house by myself for seven days and 2.  I'm scared!  It's dark and I'm in the middle of nowhere with no friends/neighbors in sight!  Every time the wind blows I am certain it's a serial killer waiting to cut me in half.  I swear, this has the makings of an episode of Criminal Minds!  So you can imagine how terrified I was when there was a knock on my door at 10pm last night.  I was certain it was the creepy gas station attendant who gave me directions coming to finish the job (Lesson 1:  Don't tell local creeps that you're traveling alone and can't find your isolated little house in the woods!).  I pictured the house swarming with police, judging me for the three newly purchased LL Bean Boat and Totes (You can never have too many!) and stack of unread Town & Country magazines.  The victim was just another city girl in search of Happily Ever After with a handsome, wholesome nature-loving boy!  What a shame!

So anyway, I pressed my ear to the door, my heart literally beating out of my chest, cursing Maine for its dodgy cell service. And then, he spoke! "Hey O, it's me!" (Murderers never identify themselves by name!).  It took me a second to place the voice and then I remembered, "they're manufactured to fly many times higher than necessary to avoid material failure."  It was Newspaper NATE!  Can you believe it?!  Don't worry, I still asked a few questions to verify his identity (things only he would know, if you catch my drift! haha) before opening the door.  He said he could tell that I was very apprehensive about the trip (and too proud to admit it!) so he decided to surprise me!  Isn't that the most darling thing you've ever heard?  What I feared would be a lonely week is now going to be génial!  

Ok les filles, must run!  The handsome, wholesome nature-loving boy just woke up and I believe hiking (yes, Rose, a hike!) is on the agenda today!  At this rate, I may never come home!

Bisous xx

Very Friendly Skies

Hi my loves,

Greetings from New York!  I arrived on Wednesday morning, leaving for Maine tomorrow afternoon.  I cannot tell you how excited I am!  I am flying to Portland and then driving to the sweet little house I rented near Bar Harbor!  I'm so excited!  But I'm also excited about something crazy that happened on the plane en route to JFK.  Side bar: I think I was still drunk after my late night Kevin meltdown.  I was waiting in the lounge at CDG when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a very handsome man reading a newspaper (en anglais!).  Anyway, when I got to my seat I was pleasantly surprised to see that Mr. Newspaper was sitting next to me.  I'm no amateur when it comes to flirting, I played it super cool (quick glance at his left hand: no ring, but as we know wedding bands are removable!), offering only a "bonjour" and a "merci" as he stood up to let me get to my seat.

Cut to 35,000 feet.  I wanted to stay lucid and, well, conscious -- so I decided against taking an Ambien (yes, I am still terrified of flying and prefer to be out cold!).  I couldn't possible expect to show handsome Mr. Newspaper how charming and datable I am if I'm passed out.  Bad idea, we hit some nasty turbulence about 45 minutes into the flight and yours truly was a complete basket case!  It turns out that my seat-mate was not only unsettlingly handsome, he is also the nicest guy!  He could see I was clearly having a breakdown, so after a too-cute-for-words "Parlay vew ang-lays?" he proceeded to explain what turbulence is and how safe flying is.  Swoon!  Once convinced we weren't going to plummet to our death, Mr. Newspaper and I were actually able to have an amazing conversation. His name is Nathaniel (Nate) Pinkett.  He was in Paris for a week on a business trip and was en route home to DC but spending a few days in New York.  On our final approach into JFK, Nate asked for my phone number to take me to dinner before Maine.  The flight was almost like a first date:  there was a meal, there was a movie (neither of us watched) and plenty of conversation.  He even kissed me in the taxi line!  How's that for speed dating!

We've seen each other every day this week, playing tourists in New York City even though we have both lived here!  Anyway, we're going to lunch and then to the Cloisters (he's never been!) so I must run!

I'll update you from Maine!

Bisous xx

PS.  Take that Not-Hot Kevin!

Confession

I'm wearing Kevin's Yale sweatshirt while drinking a bottle of wine!  I hate him I hate him I hate him but I miss him.  How did I not see this coming?  I'll never recover, never!  I just want to drink and forget.  I hate Australia.  I hate Kevin. Fuck, it is almost 4am!  I have to be at the airport in a few hours.  Encore du vin!

Love you girls, hate Kevin.  Bisous xx O

New Dog, Same Old Tricks

Dearest Flora and Rose,

You would think a girl would know by now to never neglect her girlfriends for a boy.  She is almost certain to be left sans boy begging her friends to forgive her.  I am de nouveau single and asking, no begging, you to forgive me for disappearing.  It turns out Hot Kevin hasn't changed, he is still the selfish asshole he was when we were young.  I was blissfully ignorant for months thinking a new dog can learn new tricks.  Turns out, a dog is a dog.  Last week, Kevin came to Paris to visit and dropped the bomb of all bombs: he's moving to Australia!  He claims it is related to his job but we both know it is because his ex-girlfriend is there and clearly they are hoping to make a go of it down under!  He invited me to accompany him on the big move this month (not move with him but help him lug his shit halfway around the world!) but I graciously declined the empty invitation.  Ophelia of the past would have booked herself a one-way, first class ticket and said "anything for you, darling!" just to see the horror on his face.  But alas, I am older and wiser and will not badger a man into dating me.  To the left, to the left!  

That is not to say I don't miss him terribly.  And I'm embarrassed that I blah blah blah'd about someone we knew to be a big dumb brute back in the day.  Just because he wears expensive shoes and can mimic normal behavior does not a gentleman make.  I was a fool.  And now, I'm a sad little fool.  To make matters worse, Paris is now depressing the hell out of me and I just want to get away!  Anyone up for a trip to Australia?  Kidding!   But I really do need to get away, so I booked my very first solo trip!  I'm off to Maine for a week, leaving on Saturday!  I've never gone anywhere by myself so I thought I'd start small (not all of us can run off to the Outback like Flora!)!  I once read this book about a girl who loses her job and moves to Maine to date a handsome, wholesome nature-loving boy and lives happily ever after.  Maybe that'll happen to me!  All I know is that I need to sit in my sweet little rented house (not far from Acadia) with no distractions and clear my head.

I'm off to pack... leaving room for some LL Bean loot, of course!

Bisous xx

An Open Letter to Global Warming

Dear Global Warming, 

Thank you for f***ing London right up the ass.  Warming weather my ass.  Have you been paying any attention of what has been going on down down here?  

We have lost our summer and winter.  No snow and no sunshine makes Londoners go crazy!  We need seasons.  Not just one atrociously grey and wet season that lasts for 365 days of the year. 

Oh and the week in April doesn't count!  It's just cruel really. 

Give us a break would ya?

Thanks,

xxx

p.s. I'll write again soon. Have loads to catch up on.  I've been soooo rubbish! xxx

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Hello my darlings,

Long time no speak!  Flora, it was so lovely seeing so much of you in New York.  Now that I am back in Paris, don't let the 6-hour time difference make you a stranger!  Rose, what's new?  Things are swell back in Paris.  I was sad to leave New York but it is nice to be back. That said, I miss Hot Kevin terribly!  A month and a half without him?  I can't bear the thought of it!  I've turned into one of those girls Rose hates.  I can't even look at another dude, no one is as handsome, funny, smart, perfect as my Hot Kevin.  I know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but this is torture!

I'm totally smitten!  

Bisous xx 

Easter with The Energizer Bunny

Thank goodness it is finally sunny in New York!  I can't take anymore wintery weather!  It's April... What the hell!!  Rose, Ophelia and I miss you so much!  Can you please come visit us?  She's here for a whole month and I have vowed to abandon my hermit ways and actually hang out with her!  I could really use you on my side since O is like the Energizer Bunny when it comes to going out!  

Last night we went for drinks at The Leadbelly followed by dinner at The Fat Radish.  Live music and oysters?  Yes Please!  We've got lots more on the social docket this week: our good friend and the gal behind Manhattan Roulette is celebrating her birthday tonight night.  Then a fab chica we know from high school, Kat Berkeley, is having her birthday party on tomorrow night!  And lastly, Easter brunch at Bistro La Promenade... could Alain Allegretti be any more dreamy?!

I'm not quite sure when I'm going to sleep but now that it is officially spring I am ready to get back out there!

xoxo,

Out With The Old and In With The New!

Hello my darlings,

I have to start by saying I miss you tremendously!  I arrived in NYC last night, I am here for the next month (!!) working on the launch of a new project (very hush hush at the moment!).  Flora, maybe I'll finally get to see you!  Rose, any chance you can come to New York in the next few weeks?

I've got some news on the boy front:  I stopped seeing that Irish journalist a few weeks ago.  At first I found him funny and interesting but after a few weeks I saw him for what he really is:  annoying!  You know when someone just gets under your skin and everything they say or do makes your blood boil?  That's him!  He had the most appalling table manners (and we know how I feel about good manners!) and conversations with him were terribly one-sided (another No-No in my book!) so I was glad to see him go. 

And I couldn't be rid of him sooner... Out with the old and in with the new, as they say!  I'm all about "Hot Kevin" these days.  We went out when I was last in New York and had the BEST time.  He took me for drinks at Bemelmans Bar at the Carlyle!  I mentioned in passing that I had always wanted to go and the darling remembered!  And Flora, you'll love this,  he opens doors and pulls out chairs.  He even stood up when I got up to use the ladies' room!  A true gentleman!

Les filles, Spring is in the air (sort of!) and I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, something could blossom between me and Hot Kevin!  Rose, please tell me you don't have history with HK!  I can't take another angry email from you!

All my love!

Bisous xx

My Kind Of Celebrating

So pleased for Ang Lee winning best director at the oscars! This is the best picture ever! You guys know how I feel about my burgers. What a fraking ( yes I've been watching Battlestar recently, so sue me!) star ! #innout

Love u guys for life !

Xxx

Rose

New Year, New Love?

Where oh where are my friends?  Rose, are you still mad at me?  Flora, I am back in NYC in two weeks and would sure love to see you!

Lots to report on my end.  Hawaii for Thanksgiving was absolute amazing!  Just what I needed to recharge after the breakup. The parents rented a beach house (they stayed a month!) and were just thrilled to have their little O "home" for the holiday!

Christmas in Paris was completely uneventful but New Year's Eve was killer.  My dear old ami Rohan threw a huge bash at his loft!  All of our friends came from all over the world (Brazil, China, Canada!) so it turned into a huge reunion.  Do you girls remember "Hot Kevin" from back in the day?  He was there... and looking hotter than ever!  He is now living in New York and we have a date when I get back!  I think it could actually turn into something!  And imagine, after all these years!

I'm currently seeing an Irish journalist here in Paris.  He's an absolute doll and we are having an amazing time together (when I'm in Paris, anyway!) but there is one problem:  he likes me an awful lot and I like... his accent!

Happy New Year, les filles!  2013 is going to be a great year!

Bisous xx