Friday, September 27, 2013

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Hola chicas!

Rose, what's the latest, amiga?  Ophelia, are you back or have we lost you forever to Maine and Newspaper Nate?  SO glad to hear you're bouncing back from that Kevin disaster! That guy was always trouble!!!  I'll never forget one particularly boozy night in high school when we decided to go drunk skating at that rink behind your house.  I woke up all covered in bruises because Kevin thought it was funny to trip me on the ice!  Such a jerk!!!  Actually, speaking of memories... I took a serious trip down memory lane last weekend.  I went home to visit the family and went through some of my old photo albums.  I haven't laughed that hard in weeks!!  A few highlights (and don't worry, I won't post the pictures!)...

Montreal 2000:  Rose fell in love with that McGill guy we met at a bar and tried to pretend she was in college.  We so clearly were NOT.  Omg then he invited her back to his dorm (haha!) and she asked if we could come too!  haha!

Islamorada 2003:  Spring Break in the Keys.  I fell sleep in the sun and got the worst sunburn of my life!  And you jerks took pictures instead of waking me up!  (Hate you!).  Was that the same trip when we lost the house keys in the sand and spent hours looking for them so my parents wouldn't murder us?

Spain 2005:  Tagging along on Ophelia's family vacation.  Remember we met those three guapo dudes and we drank with them in a park by the hotel (Seemed like a great idea at the time!).  Ophelia got hammered and we had to convince her parents that we had gone out to dinner and she got food poisoning from bad paella!  As if they actually believed us!

Long story sort, we have had some good times!   Miss you!


Monday, September 9, 2013

A Maine Murder Mystery

Hi girls,

I'm writing from Maine to tell you the craziest, and I mean craziest story!  I arrived at my sweet little rented house on Saturday evening and regretted the trip almost immediately.  The house and surrounding area are wonderful but 1.  I'm way too social to sit in a house by myself for seven days and 2.  I'm scared!  It's dark and I'm in the middle of nowhere with no friends/neighbors in sight!  Every time the wind blows I am certain it's a serial killer waiting to cut me in half.  I swear, this has the makings of an episode of Criminal Minds!  So you can imagine how terrified I was when there was a knock on my door at 10pm last night.  I was certain it was the creepy gas station attendant who gave me directions coming to finish the job (Lesson 1:  Don't tell local creeps that you're traveling alone and can't find your isolated little house in the woods!).  I pictured the house swarming with police, judging me for the three newly purchased LL Bean Boat and Totes (You can never have too many!) and stack of unread Town & Country magazines.  The victim was just another city girl in search of Happily Ever After with a handsome, wholesome nature-loving boy!  What a shame!

So anyway, I pressed my ear to the door, my heart literally beating out of my chest, cursing Maine for its dodgy cell service. And then, he spoke! "Hey O, it's me!" (Murderers never identify themselves by name!).  It took me a second to place the voice and then I remembered, "they're manufactured to fly many times higher than necessary to avoid material failure."  It was Newspaper NATE!  Can you believe it?!  Don't worry, I still asked a few questions to verify his identity (things only he would know, if you catch my drift! haha) before opening the door.  He said he could tell that I was very apprehensive about the trip (and too proud to admit it!) so he decided to surprise me!  Isn't that the most darling thing you've ever heard?  What I feared would be a lonely week is now going to be gĂ©nial!  

Ok les filles, must run!  The handsome, wholesome nature-loving boy just woke up and I believe hiking (yes, Rose, a hike!) is on the agenda today!  At this rate, I may never come home!

Bisous xx

Friday, September 6, 2013

Very Friendly Skies

Hi my loves,

Greetings from New York!  I arrived on Wednesday morning, leaving for Maine tomorrow afternoon.  I cannot tell you how excited I am!  I am flying to Portland and then driving to the sweet little house I rented near Bar Harbor!  I'm so excited!  But I'm also excited about something crazy that happened on the plane en route to JFK.  Side bar: I think I was still drunk after my late night Kevin meltdown.  I was waiting in the lounge at CDG when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a very handsome man reading a newspaper (en anglais!).  Anyway, when I got to my seat I was pleasantly surprised to see that Mr. Newspaper was sitting next to me.  I'm no amateur when it comes to flirting, I played it super cool (quick glance at his left hand: no ring, but as we know wedding bands are removable!), offering only a "bonjour" and a "merci" as he stood up to let me get to my seat.

Cut to 35,000 feet.  I wanted to stay lucid and, well, conscious -- so I decided against taking an Ambien (yes, I am still terrified of flying and prefer to be out cold!).  I couldn't possible expect to show handsome Mr. Newspaper how charming and datable I am if I'm passed out.  Bad idea, we hit some nasty turbulence about 45 minutes into the flight and yours truly was a complete basket case!  It turns out that my seat-mate was not only unsettlingly handsome, he is also the nicest guy!  He could see I was clearly having a breakdown, so after a too-cute-for-words "Parlay vew ang-lays?" he proceeded to explain what turbulence is and how safe flying is.  Swoon!  Once convinced we weren't going to plummet to our death, Mr. Newspaper and I were actually able to have an amazing conversation. His name is Nathaniel (Nate) Pinkett.  He was in Paris for a week on a business trip and was en route home to DC but spending a few days in New York.  On our final approach into JFK, Nate asked for my phone number to take me to dinner before Maine.  The flight was almost like a first date:  there was a meal, there was a movie (neither of us watched) and plenty of conversation.  He even kissed me in the taxi line!  How's that for speed dating!

We've seen each other every day this week, playing tourists in New York City even though we have both lived here!  Anyway, we're going to lunch and then to the Cloisters (he's never been!) so I must run!

I'll update you from Maine!

Bisous xx

PS.  Take that Not-Hot Kevin!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


I'm wearing Kevin's Yale sweatshirt while drinking a bottle of wine!  I hate him I hate him I hate him but I miss him.  How did I not see this coming?  I'll never recover, never!  I just want to drink and forget.  I hate Australia.  I hate Kevin. Fuck, it is almost 4am!  I have to be at the airport in a few hours.  Encore du vin!

Love you girls, hate Kevin.  Bisous xx O

Monday, September 2, 2013

New Dog, Same Old Tricks

Dearest Flora and Rose,

You would think a girl would know by now to never neglect her girlfriends for a boy.  She is almost certain to be left sans boy begging her friends to forgive her.  I am de nouveau single and asking, no begging, you to forgive me for disappearing.  It turns out Hot Kevin hasn't changed, he is still the selfish asshole he was when we were young.  I was blissfully ignorant for months thinking a new dog can learn new tricks.  Turns out, a dog is a dog.  Last week, Kevin came to Paris to visit and dropped the bomb of all bombs: he's moving to Australia!  He claims it is related to his job but we both know it is because his ex-girlfriend is there and clearly they are hoping to make a go of it down under!  He invited me to accompany him on the big move this month (not move with him but help him lug his shit halfway around the world!) but I graciously declined the empty invitation.  Ophelia of the past would have booked herself a one-way, first class ticket and said "anything for you, darling!" just to see the horror on his face.  But alas, I am older and wiser and will not badger a man into dating me.  To the left, to the left!  

That is not to say I don't miss him terribly.  And I'm embarrassed that I blah blah blah'd about someone we knew to be a big dumb brute back in the day.  Just because he wears expensive shoes and can mimic normal behavior does not a gentleman make.  I was a fool.  And now, I'm a sad little fool.  To make matters worse, Paris is now depressing the hell out of me and I just want to get away!  Anyone up for a trip to Australia?  Kidding!   But I really do need to get away, so I booked my very first solo trip!  I'm off to Maine for a week, leaving on Saturday!  I've never gone anywhere by myself so I thought I'd start small (not all of us can run off to the Outback like Flora!)!  I once read this book about a girl who loses her job and moves to Maine to date a handsome, wholesome nature-loving boy and lives happily ever after.  Maybe that'll happen to me!  All I know is that I need to sit in my sweet little rented house (not far from Acadia) with no distractions and clear my head.

I'm off to pack... leaving room for some LL Bean loot, of course!

Bisous xx


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